Mike Frawley a popular blogger wrote this absolutely beautiful poem.

“I’m trying to be what I’ve never been

please don’t wipe these droplets away
I’m crying for someone other than me
can we just let them fall where they may

Today I’ve tears enough for the world
help me remember that love is to share
I’ve been cold and numb for far too long
and fear I may have forgotten to care

God If you hear me, make me a phoenix
I’ve been selfish these many long years
I will cry a river, or an ocean if need be
if You’ll place healing love in my tears”

You weren’t my first, but you were definitely my first love. I hate you, I have a good relationship now and without even trying you’re managing to mess with my mind. I haven’t seen or heard from you in months, which is exactly what you wanted. He treats me so well and so perfectly and you didn’t. Yet, here I am, blogging about you. About how I’m so pathetic that I STILL can’t get over you. So screw you. I loved you, I gave you EVERYTHING, and you loved me. But you were scared, and you ran away from your feelings. You decided that not caring about me or anyone else for that matter, was easier. What about all those promises you made me? What about all the broken dreams you left me with? and I’m not going to say “It’s my fault for believing them.” or “I should be upset with myself for giving you the ability to hurt me.” No, forget that. You KNEW I trusted you and you KNEW I loved you and you chose to do it anyway. I gave up EVERYTHING to be with you and I gave you everything. But I guess that wasn’t enough. I guess loving me was too hard or too scary. I need closure. That’s all I need. I need to know why and I need closure so I can move on, because the guy I’m with now, deserves so much better than this.

How do I heal what’s been broken? How do I heal a broken self?

All things were okay, everything was fine, and time went by and I watched you morph into something truly evil. You were no longer yourself and your life began to meld with mine. Things occurred and after a long fight you were no longer a part of my life anymore or a part of me for that matter. Then we saw each other and you looked beautiful, and alive. You looked finally happy, and I told you how much I’ve missed you, and you replied with “I’m so sorry.” I’m afraid that this break of contact with us is what healed you, what made you okay again. What if I’m your poison? What if it’s me that makes you crazy? And, what if I ask you to stay with me, knowing what it does to you? And, what would happen if you say no?

He’s perfect, everything about him. I can’t get enough of him. I could spend my life soaking in his love. His scars make him beautiful, each one telling a story of his life before me. He’s all the things I want. Yet I still find myself tempted by others, and that is normal, certainly. But I find myself almost giving in, and thinking, “Well he’ll never know, so he’ll never hurt.” This is such a perversion of trust and everything we have. I’m trying so hard to change from who I used to be. But what if I can’t? What if this is who I am and this is how I am supposed to be? What if I can’t find myself? What if I lose myself in all the temptations along the way and miss out on what fate has arranged for me? One decision can change everything.